While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
