Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
