thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
