I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
