please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
