I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Pants are for mortals
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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