You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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