I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
