i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
