I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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