yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
