i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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