and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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