I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
