What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
