Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
