you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Randomize
