So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
