so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
