At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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