Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
