I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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