Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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