Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Randomize
