can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Randomize
