I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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