that's an acceptable place to lick
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I stole a fireplace last night.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
