The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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