Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I have fence marks all over my body
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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