You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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