a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
