Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
No more Irish car bombs ever.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize