The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
