Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
