Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
