There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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