omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
