I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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