At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
