my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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