so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
