he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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