i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize