Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
