He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
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