I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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