fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
