you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
