No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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