i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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