I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
