I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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