Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
My butt remains clenched, sir.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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