do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
