this beer tastes like vomit already
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
