So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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