don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
