She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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