no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
