You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
