Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Randomize
