I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize