No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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