The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
