And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
