Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
