I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Randomize
