Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
