look no pants
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
