Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
She bit a glass in half.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
