At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I just found a bag of teeth...
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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