how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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