My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
