addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
