ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize