Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
