How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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