Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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