I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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