my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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