You were right. It hurts to walk today.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
