I'm lost and stupid without you.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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