we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
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