i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
