Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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