Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
