so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
