do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
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