i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
