WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
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