That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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