Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
