i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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