just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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