meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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