somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
