mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
My penis needs a shock collar
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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