What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
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