Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
