The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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