I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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