Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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