i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
